A Woman's Jihad

As a journalist, Hina Khan, 34, was used to training the camera on others. But for her debut as a filmmaker, she turned the lens on herself. The result: 'Jihad...Struggling with Islam', a powerful documentary that chronicles the personal journey of this Toronto-based filmmaker of Pakistani origin. Through the film, she comes to terms with what it means to be a Muslim - a faith she was born into but felt no real connection with - in a post-September 11 world.

In her film, writer-director Khan follows her quest on many levels: from terrorism to the oppression of women. Her search includes wide-ranging perspectives, from interviews with fundamentalists who celebrated the events of 9/11, to viewpoints from conservative and progressive Muslims in Canada and abroad. The film won the National Film Board of Canada's 'Best Canadian Documentary' award in Toronto recently. An interview.

Q. How and why did the film happen?

A. This was a film that I felt called to make. And I have been a broadcaster, so to do it in a documentary format was a natural way of telling this story.  It is a story of so many people and that is why I think I was called to make it. Earlier, it was so intuitive. But after it premiered at the Reel world festival (in Toronto) and now that I am inundated with emails, I realize I was in a position as a broadcaster and filmmaker to give voice to my story as well as a universal story. But I'm really proud of the film. I got what I wanted to get. The end result really feels right.

Q. Was 9/11 the trigger?

A. 9/11 was a catalyst that forced me to ask myself what it means to be a Muslim; if this was a faith I want to be a part of. But underneath that, being in my 30s, the idea of wanting to be more authentic was there. I didn't want to lie anymore and go on pretending to pray; it just didn't feel right anymore.

Q. How has the journey changed you as a person? Has it made you more faithful?

A. In a way, I felt more of a relationship to God in making this film and going through this struggle. Film shooting wrapped up in late September (2003), and Ramadan was starting late October. It was the first year I fasted, I didn't tell anybody; it was private and not with praying five times a day or going to the mosque. I am slowly finding my way in a way that is comfortable and true for me. So that I can stand in my shoes and say I am a Muslim and also hold on to what that means to me. And that how I will express myself will always change. I am not putting these labels on myself - that I must pray or that I must fast next year - but it doesn't take away from being a Muslim.

A Woman's Jihad – 2

Q. What do 'being a Muslim' and jihad mean to you?

A. It is something that is evolving for me - it is a combination of the faith and culture. It means being ammiji's granddaughter; it is in how I am as a neighbor, a friend, a wife, and my responsibility to social justice and social causes. That is the essence of being a Muslim for me now. Jihad, for me, means any type of struggle to live a more authentic life, and to go into your inward battle. I really don't associate it with holy war. It is inner struggles and battles, whether it is with marriage, friendship, work, or religion.

Q. What was your experience of meeting with Muslims holding a wide spectrum of beliefs?

A. Actually, going through it was intense, and the circumstances around it were very intense. When I first started this (film), I thought I wouldn't meet with fundamentalists because they represent a part of Islam that is not true. But when I realised that I really fear them, I knew I had to face that part. So every single person was important and made a difference and contributed to where I am. When I was going through it, it was hard to take it all in, but now I'm dealing with it.

Q. How long did it take for film to be completed?

A. Nine months - but I had been researching and writing a year before that. And I told myself, I wasn't going to censor myself, it was going to be completely honest and open.

Q. What kind of a response have you got to the film?

A. I didn't expect it to be positive. I thought 'you are airing your dirty laundry, you are saying you don't pray and you are up against so much'. But I think I struck a chord because what I went through (in terms of grappling with Islam, why September 11 happened, and jihad as a political crusade) is what many Muslims went through personally. The response was overwhelming from Muslims and non-Muslims. Many Catholics came up to me and said they too have gone through similar experiences!

Q. What is your next project? And have you now decided to make only films?

A. I am interested in doing something on child trafficking and sex tourism; it's still in the research phase. I caught the bug. It was such an experience of where I should be and what I should be doing.

Q. How long were you in journalism and how did that help you as a filmmaker?

A. I started my career in journalism on air and worked with CFMT (Canada's First Multicultural Television station), YTV, CTV (Canadian Television), WTV (Women's Television network) - both in front of and behind the camera. Also, the great thing about a journalism background is that it helped in setting up these interviews and researching for the film.

– V. Radhika
June 13, 2004